How to Make a Connection-Before the Correction with Your Child (Even When Emotions Are High)
Hey mom, hey! How's it going? Grab your favorite coffee, tea, or whatever it be and settle in for a little mom to mom chat!
Ever feel like emotions in your house are running at full speed? I mean like at Lamborghini mode!! And just when you think you have things under control, your child’s big feelings pop up, and it’s off to the races again! I get it—as a mom, I know that some days it feels like emotions are everywhere, and the last thing on our minds is to slow down and connect in those tough moments.
But what if that’s exactly what we need to do? By focusing on connection first, we can actually help our children feel more grounded and give ourselves a break from the constant “Mom the Fixer” mode. Here’s how we can keep connection at the center, even on the high-energy days.
1. Take a Small Pause
When emotions are flaring, our first instinct is often to jump in, talk, correct, or soothe. But taking just a moment to pause and gather ourselves makes such a difference. Think of it as a reset button, giving both you and your child a chance to breathe and approach the moment with a little more calm. Sidenote: A dysregulated momma cannot regulate a dysregulated child.
Try This:
Breathe Together: Saying, “Let’s take a deep breath together,” can be a lifesaver. It’s a way to reconnect with your child and to model a calm reset for both of you.
Acknowledge What’s Happening: Sometimes just saying, “I see you’re feeling upset,” can make them feel understood right away. And it helps us step out of that automatic response to “solve” everything immediately.
The pause may only take a few seconds, but it’s a small change that can make all the difference between reacting and responding with patience.
2. Empathize First, Problem-Solve Later
When our children are overwhelmed, the best gift we can give them is simply letting them know we get it. Rushing to a solution can sometimes make them feel like their feelings aren’t valid, but offering empathy first lets them feel seen and safe. This way, they’re more open to work things through with you once they feel that understanding.
Try This:
Reflect Their Feelings: Phrases like, “It sounds like you’re feeling…” or “That does seem really frustrating,” help them feel that their emotions are okay and worth sharing.
Hold Off on Solutions: Giving them the space to just “be” in their feelings, without offering solutions right away, shows them that they can lean on you without feeling rushed to “fix it.” Later, when they’re ready, you can tackle it together.
This approach lets them know they’re safe to feel what they feel and that you’re right there with them.
3. Positive Touch Goes a Long Way
We sometimes underestimate how powerful a gentle touch can be in calming our children. Whether it’s a hug, a pat on the back, or even just sitting next to them, it can help them feel connected and loved when words fall short. When emotions run high, that closeness lets them know you’re there, fully present, without expecting anything from them.
Try This:
Offer Comfort Through Touch: Sometimes a warm hug says more than words. If they’re open to it, offer that physical reassurance.
Sit Side by Side: Being close without saying anything gives them a sense of calm, and they’ll know you’re there without the pressure of talking things through right away.
These small, simple gestures can be a gentle way to ground them (and us!) during high emotions. Sidenote: If your child is not using safe hands, now might not be the time for physical touch, UNLESS your child responds positively to that touch in the moment.
Connection Over Perfection
Momma, let me just leave you with this little nugget! At the end of the day, it’s not about getting every moment right—it’s about creating an emotional space that feels safe for both you and your child. With a little bit of connection-first parenting, you’re helping them learn how to handle their emotions in a supportive way, and you’re building a bond that’s stronger than any “perfect” response.
If this approach feels like a breath of fresh air, I’d love for you to join me as we explore more ways to support our children emotionally while prioritizing our own emotional wellness. Sign up for my newsletter for more tips and encouragement on this parenting journey. We’re all in this together! Oh, don’t forget to take a looksie at the other blog posts! Until next time, you know what to do!
Keep Calm and Parent On!
Coach SeTara, Your Parent EI Coach
